Dislocations

By Tuesday, June 28, the fire had ceased to exist as a living presence. It was known only by its spoor.

The smoke woke me around 3:30 in the morning. It apparently collects under the southwest facing back porch roof, then gets trapped by the fence to the southeast. As I tried to get back to sleep without an air conditioner to purify the air, I was wondering, should I go sit in the car with the air on, should I try to find a motel room, is there an evacuation site still open?

When I woke again, the mountains to the west were lost in a haze, but it was clear to the east.

Los Alamos was still a dim presence when I left for work around 9:30. I thought I could just see a white line divided into two parts where I assumed new smoke was rising.



In Santa Fe, the fire was known only by its refugees, the ones who had to leave Los Alamos yesterday. The man who delivered the bottled water was staying in Truches where the morning was cold.

At the bank the teller who’s a volunteer fireman wasn’t there. His place was taken by someone from the Los Alamos branch. Everyone was friendly, but it took three to figure out where the check orders were kept for pick-up.

The drive home was more dramatic than yesterday. Another storm was coming, but the grey was replaced by an overall wash of brown. Mountains and lower geographic features were blurs. Over that was a layer of gray that was shaped like a storm, but could be more smoke. To the west, there was a rosy hue which could be either the fire or the sun.



Everything was a shadow of itself.

The storm never came. The smell of smoke increased. The sun couldn’t break through the haze of pastel chalk.

I made up the bed in the spare bedroom but still woke at 11:45, my nose too dry to sleep. The sky was clear, the stars were visible as were the lights of the Santa Clara gas station across the river.

Still everything was dislocated. The mesa was a blur, the warning lights of Los Alamos invisible. Sleep only came when my nose cleared.

Top picture: The invisible Los Alamos behind the Black Mesa, June 28 about 7:43pm.

Middle picture the invisible Los Alamos behind a leg of the Black Mesa with a hint of smoke to the east (left), June 28 about 9:26am.

Bottom picture: The Black Mesa in front of invisible mountains, June 28 about 6:28pm.